Forgiving my mother

For years, I carried resentment towards my mother. 

She minimized my feelings, and frequently referred to me as critical or negative.

At age 18, I was badly injured in a car accident.

On the way home from the hospital, in the midst of all the pain and confusion, my mother said something that hurt me deeply. 

She told me that she had never wanted to have me. She said that my father had insisted on having a child, but they were broke. 

Mother had to write to her relatives to help pay for my birth.

I was devastated. It felt like all the anger and hurt that I had carried towards her were confirmed.

Ours was a complex relationship. There were days when I cherished her and craved her attention.

On other days I would reject her. 

I couldn’t seem to shake the feelings of anger and hurt that I had towards her, even though I knew it wasn’t healthy. 

But then, something unexpected happened. I was participating in an intuitive development class, and one of the exercises involved connecting with a partner and receiving intuitive messages. 

My partner said,

 “Your mother’s here. Do you have anything to say to her?” 

I was focused on a completely different issue at the time.

 I said, “No, I still have a lot of hurt surrounding  her.”

But then my partner said, “Your mother wants to apologize to you.”

I was dumbfounded. My mother had passed away years before, so I couldn’t understand why this was happening. 

Our teacher, Sonia Choquette,  explained that sometimes messages from our loved ones who have passed on can come through in unexpected ways.

The apology hit me hard. It gave me a sense of hope and relief, knowing that things can be healed with loved ones, even after they are gone. 

It also made me realize that holding onto resentment and anger was not serving me or my mother.

As I continued to work on my own healing, I had another unexpected experience. 

While writing a memoir about my accident, I had a dream in which I handed the transcript to both of my parents. 

They read it and were moved to tears. 

They apologized to me and said, 

“We are so sorry. We didn’t realize  how what we said had impacted you. We didn’t understand the pain you were going through then.”

It was another moment of profound healing. 

Even though both parents had passed away years before, I was finally able to receive the exact apology I had always hoped for. 

It was a reminder that even in the face of pain and hurt, forgiveness and healing are possible.

The experience taught me that forgiveness is a powerful tool for healing. 

It’s not always easy, but it’s necessary if we want to find peace and move forward. 

Messages of forgiveness and healing can come from unexpected sources, reminding us that love and connection can transcend even death.

So if you’re holding onto anger or resentment, I encourage you to find a way to forgive and let go. 

It’s not always easy, but it’s worth it in the end. 

And who knows, you may even receive an unexpected message of forgiveness and healing along the way.